#[ not getting to it when I wanted for lack of energy ]
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Comfort The Tired Soul
Toji comes home from work feeling a whirlwind of different things. He's starving, he's exhausted, he wants to bury his face between your thighs, but he also just wants to lay his head on your lap and have you play with his hair. His body is basically running on autopilot, holding off on giving out until he sees you.
He unlocks and opens the front door, hoping to smell something amazing. Something warm and made by none other than you and your precious hands. Instead, he enters a house that looks like his home, but lacks what truly makes it deserving of the title—you. You aren't there on the couch, ready to jump on him like you normally do. The house smells clean, the couch cushions are properly positioned, like you haven't laid there, at all. The TV is off, the shower isn't running, there's no music blasting from your phone—it's dead silent.
Toji keeps walking, keeps searching for you around the house, the occasional 'doll' and 'ma' being called out. He still peeks into the bathroom, despite the light being off, and rules it out when he sees there's no sign of you. The next room he directs himself towards is the bedroom. The light is off and the door is closed, so he isn't expecting anything from this room, either, but he checks, anyway.
Lo and behold, there you are, sitting on the bed, cross legged. The only light that illuminates your tear stained face and your nervous habit of biting your nails in action, is the screen of your phone.
"Hey, doll," Toji says, his voice calm and steady, so as not to scare you. His hand holds the doorknob and he keeps the door pressed to his shoulder, as he watches you quickly try to get yourself together. You stop biting your nails and you wipe at your face with the sleeves of your hoodie.
"Oh, hey, baby," you say, with enthusiasm that Toji knows you're working too hard to provide. "Sorry, I didn't know you'd be home so early. I didn't make anything for you to eat."
Toji instantly notices that your voice doesn't sound like it usually does. It sounds like you're trying hard to keep your emotions down, but there's an annoying lump in your throat that doesn't allow you to hold yourself up very well. You're also still pawing at your face with your sleeves, like your tears haven't subsided.
"It's six, ma. You know I always get home around this time. What are you doing in here with the lights off?" He flicks on the light to get a better look at you and your shrunken demeanor. Immediately, he notices the way you squint and furrow your eyebrows—a normal reaction to brightness after being in the dark. What wasn't normal, was the way you rubbed the space between your brows, like the sudden brightness of the room was affecting you more than it should have and you were trying to soothe the pained area.
"Nothing," you simply say, laughing, nervously. It's a sound with no detectable joy in it, and Toji knows very well that it's fake. You can't trick him into believing that you're alright, with it.
By instinct, Toji has gone into his protective mode. He steps further into the room, with newfound energy, and heads for the spot in front of you. The room is quiet, like the rest of the house, until he sits down. He tugs on the sleeve of your sweater, a silent way of signaling that he's there, but also a request for you to spare him your attention. You look up, facing him, and he sees it all. The slight puffiness and redness of your eyes, the wetness of your eyelashes. Something is tearing you up inside.
"Tell me everything," Toji says, setting a hand on your knee. Instantly, you blink and avert your gaze from him.
"Nooo," you whine, in an attempt to lighten up the mood a little. You didn't intend for your voice to crack and make his view of you more pitiful. "You're tired. You don't need this, right now."
The feeling Toji gets from seeing you this way, is like thousands of little needles jabbing at his heart. Your eyes are growing glossier by the second and you keep pressing your lips together, presumably to stifle the quivering of your lips.
"Sweetheart," Toji says, calmly. His voice carries love, patience, and understanding—all things that easily break down your facade and cause tears to begin freely streaming down your cheeks. Once again, words are lost between you and Toji, and silence nears, only kept away by the sound of your sniffling and soft, shuddered deep breaths. He takes your hand in both of his and brushes over your knuckles with his thumbs.
"I love you, mama. We have so much time," Toji, wholeheartedly, assures. His patience makes it hard for you to hold in your sobs—your chest and your throat hurt from not letting go of them. He sits there with you as your emotions pour out, playing with your hands and waiting for you to calm down enough to talk.
"I don't feel good, Toji," you finally manage to say, slowly shaking your head. You can't lift your gaze to meet his, again, even if you can feel him calling for your attention through the gentle squeezes he gives your hands. You feel vulnerable and you get this strange feeling in your stomach every time you think about how Toji is seeing you completely stripped of any strength to hold yourself together. You can't look at him, despite how attentive he's being. You don't want him to look at you, either, but you won't tell him to stop or push him away. You know it would be heartless of you.
"What hurts? Want me to get you some medicine?"
"No, no. I just..." you sigh, heavily. A fresh stream of tears roll down your cheeks when you shut your eyes. "I've had a massive headache all day and my chest hurts. It feels so heavy, like something is pushing down on it."
"You didn't tell me this earlier, when we were talking on the phone. You sounded just fine." His hands still, no longer squeezing your hands or gently brushing your skin. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home sooner, doll."
"That's why I didn't tell you. There's no need for me to share my stress with you while you're working. You have your own things to stress about, too. I'm not going to be another one of those things."
"Hey, come on, stop," he says, squeezing your hands, again, to signal that he isn't mad at you. You don't need more guilt mixing in with the rest of your feelings.
"I get home from work before you. I have time to wind down and... and clean up. The least I can do..." Your chest heaves, your harsher emotions catching up, again. "...is cook you a damn meal."
"My love, stop."
The room goes quiet again, nothing but the sound of your sharp, short inhales and sniffling. He got you to settle down with the remarks, but he wants to calm down your mind, as well. He gently wraps his hands around your shaky ones and brings them up to his lips. Soft kisses are planted on your fingers, your knuckles, and your palms—you feel his perfect scar, occasionally, brushing against your skin. After he sets your hands down on your lap and releases them, he moves up to his side of the bed and positions himself so that his back rests against the headboard. He calls for you, with a couple pats to the space he left for you between his legs and a warm, "Sit, doll."
You stay unmoving for a few seconds—indecisive. He just got home. You don't want to continue to drop all of this on him, but you can feel him watching you, and the more you feel his gaze on your back, the more you start to think about the time that is going to waste because you won't go to him. It's time that he can be using to rest—so, you make up your mind and crawl over to him.
Once your back is to his front, he molds around you. His arms envelop you, tightly, to ensure that you feel his warmth and understand that he physically has you, just as he does emotionally. He rests his chin on your shoulder, and turns his head to murmur a soft, "You listening?" You nod a couple times, while wiping your cheeks with the dampened sleeves of your sweater. "Okay." He tightens his arms around you a little more and places a gentle kiss on your neck, before facing forward, again.
"Ma," Toji starts, a soft sigh leaving him. He's really hoping that by the end of this talk, you won't be trembling in his arms, anymore. "You can't hide this type of stuff from me." The words don't come off as him scolding you or trying to be controlling. Instead, they sound more like a plead. A plead for you to trust him with your mental health the way you trust him with your physical safety, and for you to follow the rules of communication you've done so well at teaching him about.
"You just told me that you don't feel good. You're so stressed that your head hurts and your chest feels tight. Is that why you were in here with the light off?" Toji asks, tilting his head to look at you. You respond with a weak nod, not willing to use your even more weakened voice. "See? It's hurting you, baby. It's making things hard for you. There's no need for you to hold things in when you have me. Me being at work doesn't change a thing. When we're on the phone, I want you to tell me everything. Everything. Not just the good stuff."
He pauses, a brief intermission that gives you a chance to sit with everything he has said so far. He refrains from asking you questions, for now. Clearly, you aren't emotionally stable enough to explain everything going through your head, and it's likely you'll break down again before he even begins to grasp what has you in the condition of a wilted flower.
"You can tell me about anything. Know I'll do everything I can to help or make you feel better, because this? This isn't right, ma. You're my little sunshine. I can't have you dimming on me."
He notices you aren't shaking as much and you haven't been running your sleeves over your cheeks, anymore, so he squishes you in his arms and smiles softly when you release a puff of air—a stifled groan.
"And just so you know, I'm okay with you not making dinner every day," he says, planting a kiss on your jaw. "Don't get me wrong, I love when you cook for me, but I don't expect you to do it. I can make or get myself something to eat if you don't feel like cooking, alright? Don't ever stress about that, ma."
It goes quiet for a minute or so, just you and Toji sitting in the intimate, guarded atmosphere created between you and him. You feel the pressure of his heavy arms around you, you feel the body heat that emanates from him, you can smell the aftermath of a busy day on him, and though your eyes feel heavy and swollen from the waterfalls of tears you've shed, feeling this safe makes you want to cry all over again. He covered you up and kept you warm when he found you trapped in a mental rainstorm. He soothed your aching soul. He deserves the remainder of your tears—two final liquefied crystals, gliding down your cheeks. They make up the words you can't say in the moment. 'Thank you.'
"You're the last thing in the world that could ever stress me out. Understand?" Toji asks, breaking the silence. He receives a slow, barely noticeable nod, from you. "You promise?" He asks, seeking certainty in your response. Immediately after, he hums in thought, considering the recurrence of your inaudible responses, and decides to find a way around your simple head nods. "You probably don't wanna talk, right now, so just squeeze my hand. Let me know, mama."
He puts his hand out and waits for a physical confirmation from you—your hand around his, offering even the smallest amount of pressure. As soon as he sees you lift your hand, aiming to place it on his, he's rolling the puffy sleeve of your sweater up, so that he'll be making direct skin to skin contact, rather than having the thick fabric acting as a barrier between your hands. Your fingers interlace with his and you give him three squeezes, before relaxing your hold.
"Yeah? You love me?" Toji asks, a soft smile curling onto his lips. You squeeze his hand once, emphasizing your response with a familiar, subtle nod. "Love you, too, doll. Gonna take care of you, I swear."
You release his hand and wiggle out of his arms, turning around, afterwards. You keep your eyes shut, knowing that the puffiness must look even more extreme when your eyes are open, and just fall into him. He's safety, he's home, love, and everything more.
"Your pretty eyes got a raw deal, huh?" His hands go to your back and rub up and down the expanse in slow, soothing motions. You nod against his chest and tighten your arms around him. "It's okay. You're still the prettiest thing," he assures, pressing a couple kisses to the top of your head. "Wanna take a shower with me? Get some food after?"
"Mhm," you hum, a quiet affirmation. Still, you don't make any attempt to move from your position. Toji notices this and pins the delay on himself. He steals your role and makes it seem like he's the one that doesn't want to move.
"Alright, just..." He sighs, reciprocating your embrace. "Just give me a couple minutes. Wanna stay like this a little longer."
#toji#toji fushiguro#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#jujutsu toji#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#jjk#toji fluff#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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It's obviously not a requirement I look for, whenever I meet someone (friends, bf/gf, doesn't matter - I mean people I want to keep around and nourish a relationship with); but I would love to have a significant other with this kind of mindset. That cooks with joy, plans every mealtime with ease, and feeds on other people's reactions to their food. In fact, whenever I get invited to eat at someone's house, and they complain that the food didn't turn up how they envisioned, or state that «it's nothing fancy» - oh, you have no idea how moments like this warm my body, heart and soul. And I wish I was writing all of this out of nostalgia, with that magical, slow-motion like remembrance about everyone gathered around a table, enjoying themselves, talking, laughing, ... but for me, it goes beyond that.
tw: mental health + unhealthy eating patterns
I try not to feel ashamed by confessing this, but I can't help but notice how people look at me weird. It's such an automated/basic thing everyone does, and I can't do it? «What do you mean? You need food to live, yet you can't cook nor do the groceries? ». Not quite, but I do need a whole day to do it, and a few days in advance to get myself ready for this mundane task. You see, my brain shuts off whenever I look at what's inside my fridge or pantry - if there's even anything in there to begin. I simply cannot put combine ingredients like you do (and it's not due to lack of knowledge). And whenever I can, it will most likely become my go-to meal for the next few weeks. It's a logistical nightmare to even consider going out to the supermarket. Yes, I could order online - but that's another task on itself. 80% of the times this gets me so overstimulated that, I've ended up (discreetly, I hope) crying in public, on a few occasions.
Don't worry, it's not an everyday occurrence. And for better or for worse, I am too self-conscious and pragmatic for this bad habit to take over. But whenever my neurodivergent brain is going through the slumps (you know: those occasional rough patches that resurface every once in a while, sprinkled with anxiety and depression), I prefer to stay in bed, disassociate and lose track of time, with an empty stomach. Even though I merely switched that moment with another filled with more guilt and shame towards myself. And yes, that also includes going out to eat. That's why I (while trying to play it cool) usually choose what somebody else ordered, or what the waiter recommended. This way nobody suspects anything is wrong with me, right?
Now, if this all seems childish and overly dramatic, congratulations: you are a typical functioning human-being. Believe me when I say this: I feel the same way you do, whenever I hear myself complaining about this «first world problem». But unfortunately, this drains the little energy we have to navigate our daily lives as neurodivergent individuals in a neurotypical world. Especially for those with a very tight monthly budget, who live alone or share a place with people they are not close with. Just like you, I used to find unnecessary and environmentally unfriendly all of those pre-packed, peeled and/or frozen meals, veggies and fruits. Nowadays I am thankful whenever I find them, since they quite literally have saved my life multiple times. Chemicals? Not healthy? Never heard of them. I need fuel to get out of bed and to not rot away. And if that fuel is a frozen lasagne with a weird ingredient list, so be it. I promise I'll compensate in a near future, when I am mentally and physically out of the slump, and I feel capable of asking for help (if needed) or to mask myself again as a typical functioning human-being 💪 So, next time you catch yourself complaining about those «unhealthy and ready to eat meals» or any other «unnacessary invention» that promises to make someone's life easier: take a deep breath, question everything but always try to do it out of pure curiosity. This way you're always reach the correct answer, be apart of less judgemental world, with more acessibility, compassion and solidarity towards one another.
Cooking for you is my love language.
#adult adhd#adhd problems#adhd#neurodivergent#estranhossonhos#estranhos sonhos#estranhos sonhos but she is now being serious#mental health#groceries
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Your Brother's Best Friend ⸺ Gojo
author's note ⸺ Hi all! I apologize for being offline for the holidday season, wanted to spend lots of time iwth my fam and give myself a big mental break from the online world haha..so I hope you guys enjoy this draft I have, someone requested this like bak on october but I can't find the request so if it was you LMK <3 pairing ⸺ Satoru Gojo x reader concept ⸺ You are Nanami's younger sister, because of that, the insufferably annoying and constantly present-Satoru Gojo-has always been a constant in your life. content ⸺ just some coming of age fluff, childhood crush, soulmates fr, don't forget gojo is insufferable, ur a bit insufferable too but ily, lmk if anyone wants a prt2, mt fuji reference bc I'm planning a Japan trip rn, reader uses female pronouns
materlist || request guidelines || commissions
Satoru Gojo had always found himself intrigued by you. Being Nanami’s younger sister—only by a year, but a fact Gojo never let go—meant you were often around during their shared days at Jujutsu High.
It had been impossible not to notice you, with your sharp wit and the way you matched Nanami’s sternness with a warmth and energy he seemed to lack.
Back then, Gojo’s fascination with you manifested in childish antics: hiding your books just to watch you search for them in exasperation, ruffling your hair as he towered over you with a cocky grin, and smirking when you called him an idiot.
He relished every moment he could pull your attention from your studies or your brother, craving the fiery glint in your eyes when you were annoyed with him.
Unlike the rest of the people in Gojo’s life, you weren’t part of Jujutsu society.
You couldn’t see curses, didn’t wield cursed energy, and, for the most part, seemed blissfully unaware of the world that surrounded your brother and his friends as you pursued your studies.
Nanami had always insisted on keeping you far from it, which was just another thing Gojo couldn’t help but admire.
You were grounded in a way the rest of them weren’t, so wonderfully normal amidst their chaos.
And you had this way of looking at him—not like the strongest sorcerer, not like the next great hope of Jujutsu society—but just like a guy who annoyed the hell out of you.
At first, it felt harmless. You were Nanami’s younger sister. Off-limits. Untouchable. The unspoken one Nanami had pulled from the very beginning.
“Don’t even think about it, Gojo,” he’d once joked, though the steel in his voice had been unmistakable. That line, so clearly drawn by your older brother, was one Gojo thought he could respect.
However…Gojo wasn’t exactly known for adhering to rules, and over time, what started as a playful crush transformed into something far more real.
—
Gojo had really noticed the shift in how he saw you one lazy afternoon when you were both a little older, himself a second-year and Nanami now in first year.
You’d stopped by Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu High to drop off lunch for Nanami, a routine occurrence Gojo had witnessed more times than he could count.
And yet, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, that day felt… different.
He spotted you from across the courtyard, standing near the steps with a neatly folded paper bag in hand. The sun hit you just right, its golden rays catching in your hair and making it shimmer.
Gojo found himself frozen mid-step, watching as you leaned toward Nanami, laughing at something he’d said.
He felt his chest tighten, his usual cocky grin faltering as something entirely unfamiliar bubbled up inside him.
He’d seen you countless times before—bickering with Nanami, reading quietly under a tree, rolling your eyes when he teased you. But this was the first time he’d truly seen you, and it shook him more than he cared to admit.
Gojo brushed it off with his usual bravado. It’s nothing, he told himself. Just a fluke. A trick of the light. I’m Satoru freakin’ Gojo. I don’t get fazed by stuff like..like girls.
But the image of you standing there, radiant and laughing, stuck with him.
Later that day, Nanami caught him staring off into space, absently twirling a pen between his fingers.
“You’ve got that dumb look on your face again,” Nanami deadpanned, his voice cutting through the comfortable silence of the common room.
Gojo blinked, jolting out of his thoughts. “Huh? Dumb? I don’t do dumb looks,” he shot back, feigning nonchalance as he leaned back in his chair.
Nanami raised a brow, unimpressed. “Right…” He said, but didn’t press forward.
Gojo leaned back further in his chair, staring at the ceiling like it held the answers to his dilemma.
He’d never tell Nanami the truth—that he’d been so distracted by you.
Because even though he’d brushed it off earlier, Satoru Gojo knew better. That moment in the courtyard wasn’t nothing. It was the beginning of a realization he wasn’t sure he was ready to face.
—
By the time you and Gojo were in your late teens you had both become insufferable in your own ways.
You–who was constantly studying and reading and cramming your head full of anything instead of living your life. And Gojo–whose ego was the size of Mt. Fuji and spoke 100 kilometres an hour.
This specific night, Nanami had reluctantly invited Gojo over for dinner at your family’s house after the persistent pestering of his taller, louder classmate.
Gojo, being Gojo, had made himself right at home, lounging on your family’s couch as if he owned the place. Your parents were out for the evening, and Nanami had resigned himself to the kitchen, grumbling about Gojo’s ability to eat an ungodly amount of food.
Dinner wasn’t ready yet, which left you and Gojo alone in the dining room as Nanami busied himself in the kitchen, muttering under his breath about Gojo’s bottomless appetite.
You’d been sitting at the dining table, flipping through a thick textbook, completely ignoring Gojo’s antics. Or at least, you had been, until Gojo sauntered over, leaned against the back of your chair, tipping it slightly, forcing you to glance up.
“You’re gonna get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that,” he teased, his signature smirk firmly in place.
“Do you ever not talk?” You replied, exasperation lacing your tone as you tilted your head to glare up at him.
“Rarely,” he shot back, before letting the chair fall back into place and taking a seat beside you at the table. “You’re really gonna spend the whole evening buried in those books?” He drawled, his voice a mix of amusement and boredom.
You didn’t bother looking up. “Not everyone has the luxury of being naturally insufferable and talented like you, Gojo.”
“Aw, you think I’m talented?” His grin was audible in his voice.
You finally lifted your gaze, levelling him with the flattest look you could muster. “Not what I said.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, his chin propped up on one hand. The orange sunlight streaming through the window caught in his hair, making it gleam like spun silver. “Come on, y/n, live a little. You’re always so serious.”
“Not everyone can afford to ‘live a little,’” you muttered, your tone softer than before.
Gojo’s grin faltered, just for a heartbeat, before returning with renewed mischief. “Then it’s my civic duty to help you loosen up.”
Before you could stop him, he reached across the table and flicked the corner of your notebook. It slid a few inches down the table out of your reach, the pages fluttering slightly.
“Gojo,” you snapped, sitting up straighter.
“What?” His innocent tone was as fake as the wide-eyed look he gave you. “I’m just trying to help.”
You leaned over to grab the notebook, but Gojo was quicker. He snatched it up and held it above his head, just out of reach.
“Satoru,” you hissed, standing now, your chair scraping loudly against the floor.
He smirked, leaning back in his chair as he dangled the notebook higher. “What’s the magic word?”
“I’m not playing this game with you.”
You stepped closer, your hand reaching for the notebook, but Gojo shifted at the last second. In one smooth motion, he stood, towering over you with that infuriating smirk still plastered across his face.
“Wow, so short,” he teased, looking down at you with mock pity.
“I hate you,” you said, glaring up at him.
“Liar,” he shot back, his grin widening.
The room felt smaller now, the air warmer. You tried not to notice how close he was, how his presence seemed to fill every corner of the space.
“Just give it back,” you said, your voice quieter this time.
Gojo tilted his head, considering your request, but made no move to comply.
Instead, he bent down slightly, just enough that your faces were almost level. His free hand braced against the edge of the table beside you, caging you in without even touching you.
“You really want it?” He asked, his tone low, teasing.
The words made your pulse quicken, though you’d never admit it. You reached for the notebook again, but he didn’t budge, his grin softening into something more unreadable.
And then you noticed it—his breath, warm and feather-light against your cheek. You were close enough to feel his breath.
The realization hit you all at once. Your skin burned where his breath lingered, and the heat crawled upward, spreading across your face and down your neck.
“Gojo,” you said, but it came out quieter than you intended, almost a whisper.
“What?” He murmured, his voice matching your softness now.
You didn’t answer, your mind too preoccupied with the way his gaze lingered on you, no longer playful but intense, searching.
His grin returned, but it was softer this time, almost shy. “You’re blushing, y/n,” he said, his voice dropping to a near-whisper.
Your hands curled into fists at your sides, your gaze darting away as if the floor could save you from the warmth blooming across your face.
“No, I’m not,” you mumbled, despite the obvious pink hue radiating from your cheeks.
Gojo chuckled, a low, quiet sound that only made your blush deepen. “You’re adorable, you know that?”
You felt your heart do a little flip and you spun around, turning your back to him and crossing your arms over your chest.
“No I’m not–You–” You said shortly, trying to make yourself seem more annoyed than flustered.
“What?” He drawled, his tone all lazy amusement.
“I’m just making an observation.” His grin was practically audible as he tilted his head. “I mean, look at you. Bright red. Are you sure you’re not coming down with something? Or is it just me?”
You spun around so fast you almost knocked into him, your hands flying up to shove at his chest, but he barely budged. “You’re such a—”
“Careful now,” he interrupted, catching your wrists with ease. His grip was light but firm, his thumbs brushing over your skin in a way that sent a shiver down your spine.
“Wouldn’t want you to say something you can’t take back.”
Your glare faltered under his steady gaze, but you refused to give him the satisfaction of looking away. “You’re insufferable.”
“And yet, here you are,” he shot back smoothly, a smirk curling his lips. “It’s almost like you enjoy my company.”
“Well I don’t,” you snapped. “I’m not the one who invited you for dinner Gojo.”
Gojo’s smirk widened, but he finally released your wrists, stepping back just enough to give you space—though not nearly enough to escape the heat of his presence.
“Hm, ya’know–you’re right,” he spoke slowly, his tone dripping with mock innocence as he turned toward the kitchen, hands sliding casually into his pockets. “I’ll try not to charm ya too much during dinner.”
You stood frozen, your cheeks still blazing and your heart racing as his footsteps faded. With a frustrated huff, you followed, vowing silently not to let him get under your skin again.
—
By the time you were in your early twenties, you had quietly come to terms with your crush on Satoru Gojo.
It wasn’t hard to pinpoint why you liked him. Gojo had been a constant presence in your life since your young teenage years, and despite his insufferable arrogance and larger-than-life personality, there was a charm about him you couldn’t deny.
He teased you relentlessly, always flashing that blinding smile that made your heart skip a beat.
But it wasn’t just the teasing or the jokes. It was the way he treated you differently, always going out of his way to check on you, lingering just a little longer than necessary whenever you were around.
Still, you convinced yourself it didn’t mean anything. Gojo was like that with everyone—or so you told yourself…It was safer that way.
That afternoon, you sat across from Utahime at your favourite coffee shop in the neighbourhood near the office you worked at, absently stirring your drink as she rattled on about her recent frustrations at work.
You tried to focus—nodding at all the right times, but your mind kept drifting.
“Are you even listening to me?” Utahime asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Of course I am,” you lied, forcing a smile.
“Uh-huh.” She sipped her coffee, then leaned back with a sigh. “You’ve been spacey lately. What’s up?”
“Nothing,” you said too quickly, heat creeping up your neck. “Just tired, I guess.”
She gave you a skeptical look but didn’t press further.
The bell above the café door chimed, and you glanced up instinctively—only to immediately wish you hadn’t.
There he was.
Gojo Satoru strolled in like he owned the place, his sunglasses pushed up into his snow-white hair and his hands stuffed casually into his coat pockets. He scanned the room, and the moment his eyes landed on you, his face lit up with a grin that sent your heart racing.
“Great,” you muttered under your breath, sinking lower in your seat.
Utahime’s gaze flicked between you and Gojo, her lips curling into a smirk. “Oh, this should be fun.”
“Don’t you start,” you warned.
Before she could respond, Gojo was already making his way toward your table, exuding his usual overconfidence.
“Ladies,” he greeted, pulling out the chair next to you without waiting for an invitation. “Fancy running into you here.”
“Gojo,” Utahime said dryly, her tone laced with disdain that only seemed to amuse him.
“Utahime,” he replied, his grin widening.
He turned his attention to you, his expression softening slightly. “And you. Shouldn’t you be working?”
“I could say the same to you,” you shot back, doing your best to sound indifferent despite the way your pulse quickened under his gaze.
“Touché,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “But I’d argue that seeing you is much more important than work.”
Utahime snorted, and you felt your cheeks heat up. “Does that line actually work on people?” Utahime asked, sounding as unimpressed as ever.
Gojo shrugged, clearly unbothered. “Guess it depends on the person.”
The conversation moved on—or rather, Utahime and Gojo bickered while you quietly sipped your drink, pretending not to notice the way Gojo kept stealing glances at you.
Then, out of nowhere, he said it.
“So,” Gojo began, his tone deceptively casual as he put one hand on the back of your chair, causing it to tilt back a bit, “what are you doing tonight?”
You froze, your mind racing as your eyes left their place on your coffee and found his. “Why?”
“Because I want to take you out,” he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Dinner. Just the two of us.”
Your jaw nearly hit the table. Surely, you’d misheard him.
Utahime, on the other hand, choked on her coffee.
“Excuse me?” You managed, your voice barely above a whisper.
“You heard me,” Gojo said, his grin softening into something almost... hopeful. “What do you say?”
For a moment, you were too stunned to respond. You’d spent years convincing yourself that Gojo didn’t see you that way—that his teasing was just his personality, nothing more. But now, staring into those piercing blue eyes, you couldn’t ignore the sincerity in his expression.
Before you could answer, Utahime broke the silence. “Oh my god,” she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“What?” You asked, still reeling.
“I can’t do this…this has been obvious to everyone but you,” she said, looking at you like you’d grown a second head.
“He’s been obsessed with you for years, and you’re just now realizing it?”
Your face turned scarlet as you stammered, “That’s—that’s not true.”
Gojo, to his credit, looked thoroughly amused. “See? I knew I liked you for a reason, Utahime. It is totally 100% true.”
“Don’t drag me into this,” she said, waving him off before standing up and leaving some cash beside her empty mug. “I’m leaving before this gets any worse. Good luck, Gojo—you’ll need it.”
“Thanks,” he called after her, clearly enjoying himself.
Once Utahime was gone, you turned back to Gojo, your mind still spinning. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?” he asked, his tone unusually serious.
You searched his face for any sign of mischief, but there was none. Just that same unwavering confidence and something else—something softer, almost vulnerable.
“Okay,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. “One dinner.”
Gojo’s grin returned full force, and for the first time, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe—just maybe—he wasn’t joking.
#gojou satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagine#jujustu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru#satoru gojo fluff#gojo fluff#satoru gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#gojo saturo#satoru gojo x reader fluff#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#satoru gojo#satoru#jjk fluff#jjk men#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fic#jjk oneshot#jjk x you#jjk gojo#gojo satoru fluff#jjk men x reader
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one of the rotten ones
rottmnt word count: 2k pairing: don & leo, don & OC title borrowed from anthems for a seventeen year old by yeule part of the archer au :) read on ao3
x
“I don’t think Gio likes me,” Donnie blurts.
He’d feel self-conscious if he was pressed to admit it anywhere else, but he’s in the infirmary, and the only one around to hear him say so is his twin.
They’re moving into hour two of Leo’s “faves” playlist and the fourth consecutive Taylor Swift song even though he swore he put it on shuffle. Leo is going through cabinets and shelves systematically, updating inventory on his phone, while Donnie infodumps about energy storage and projectile dynamics and the breaking strength of crossbow string.
Donatello’s base knowledge of this particular ranged weapon is severely lacking, which is a significant personal problem for him now that he has a sibling with a preference for archery. He needs to be the world’s leading expert on the subject yesterday. He has half a dozen half-formed plans for things like sonar bolts for 3-D mapping, which may or may not have been inspired by the Jupiter Jim Pluto Vacation run.
Only every glance at the project folder simply labeled ‘G-01’ causes an uncomfortable feeling to squirm to life in his stomach, not unlike the Krang tentacles that had attached themselves to his carapace on the day the world didn’t end.
Donnie isn’t good at people. He doesn’t know how they tick, and there are no reliable lines of code or handy user manuals that he can fall back on when he’s mystified by human behavior.
His siblings don’t have the same problem. Leo is perceptive to a degree that borders upon clairvoyance, Mikey is the single-most emotionally intelligent member of their family, Raph is more charming than he gets credit for, and April can talk her way through any closed door, police tape or VIP-only entrance. None of them fumble the way Donnie does when a social interaction goes off-script, like it’s a volleyball that got served his way without the ample warning he needs to be anything approaching passable at the sport.
But he knows he’s not imagining it—the way Gio seems to brace himself when Donnie comes into the room, like he’s expecting a confrontation every time. Like the last thing Donatello could want with him is something good.
Donnie can be a lot. They all can. They come by it honestly, equal parts chaotic lab experiments and their father’s sons. And not every structure is built to withstand hurricane winds. Not every person is equipped to deal with a Hamato level weather event.
But he has never seen Gio flinch away from anyone else.
So he did what he always did when confronted by something outside his formidable repertoire—he took it to Leo.
There had never in Donnie’s life been a problem that couldn’t be made into their problem. It came with twin territory.
And Donnie’s twin in particular is good at translating Donatello and translating other people for Donatello, and jumps on any chance to be helpful and feel wanted, and absolutely loves problems. It’s one of the most annoying and endearing things about him. If there is any trouble within a hundred miles, Leo will find it. He will worm his way into the center of it and then puzzle his way out from the inside. Most other clever and curious people were satisfied by the daily Wordle; Leo would chew through a wall unless he had something more hands-on to occupy his mind with. As polar-opposite as the two of them could be in, in that regard, they were one and the same.
It’s somewhat reassuring to Donnie that Leo’s immediate reaction is plain incredulity. He looks baffled, like Donnie has just started throwing stuff around the room for no reason.
(He knows better. In the medbay, of all places, that would be a death wish. Leo runs a tight ship here and only here.)
“Sorry, you don’t think Gio likes you?” Leo says slowly. “Our Gio? The guy who let you infodump about the mycelial networks of fungi to him for almost two hours, all because Mikey mentioned he was making mushroom stir-fry for dinner?”
Donnie scoffs, but he can’t help but feel warmed by the reminder. Gio had settled right in, the way he always did once he was sure of his welcome, and watched Donnie talk like nothing more interesting existed on this side of the equator.
“His eyes didn’t even glaze over,” Leo goes on, doing what he always does and pressing the advantage. “That’s a new personal best in this family. Even April started looking for a window to climb out of at the thirty minute mark.”
“There was bound to be at least one other mutant turtle in the New York metropolitan area with an appreciation for botany,” Donnie says imperiously, tilting his chin up.
But the worry is still there, firmly rooted, trying to flower. Leo must be able to tell because his frown deepens, playfulness evaporating by the second. He pauses the music and sets his phone down. The room rings in the sudden silence, but it’s not uncomfortable, because it’s a room Donnie exists in with his twin.
“I just want him to like me,” Donnie says. It’s a childish want, it makes him feel half his age, but it’s true.
He was never one of those human kids lingering near the playground, on the edge of the classroom, desperate to fit in. He was never on the outs because he never had the chance to be. But this is probably what that would have felt like.
Giorgio is quiet by default, absorbing everything with dark brown eyes, always pausing to think before speaking in a low, flat register that is becoming as familiar to Donnie as Raph’s comforting rumbles and Mikey’s energetic shrieks and Leo’s sweet or sly laughter.
He hasn’t been anything but kind since he got here. He saved Leo, brought him home from a place it should have been impossible to come home from, so Donatello would put up with any manner of assholery from that quarter in exchange—but it’s not that at all.
Once Gio’s initial guard goes up and then comes down, once they outlive that moment of consideration that verges upon scrutiny without ever crossing the line, the eldest turtle softens for any younger one like clockwork. He indulges whatever noise or nonsense they’ve brought with them like there is no better use of his time.
It doesn’t seem like a lie. But Donnie is the least qualified person he knows to make that judgement call.
There’s a lot at stake if he’s wrong, is all.
Leo looks like Donnie has taken a melon baller to his insides just for fun.
“I’d know if he didn’t like you,” Leo says with absolute certainty. And he probably would. And he would take it so personally. He wouldn’t let Gio know a single moment’s rest until the spotted turtle had a coming-to-Jesus moment and acknowledged his wrongdoings in canceled Youtuber apology video format.
Since that isn’t the reality they live in—and Leo’s daily relentless pestering of Gio is harmless and little-sibling-shaped and decidedly not mean-spirited by any stretch of the imagination—some small part of the tight, unhappy feeling in Donnie’s heart has no choice but to accept that as the compelling argument it is.
“He probably misses you, Tello,” Leo adds, something softening in his face that it hurts to look directly at. “His you, I mean. I know I would be a train wreck cosplaying as a person if I had to go someplace I’d never see you again. Can you imagine how screwed-up I’d be?”
Donnie’s whole soul shudders at the idea, at the nightmare that almost came true when the portal closed around the Technodrome and as good as severed Donnie clean down the middle. At the glimpse of a life he’d be forced to live with one leg, one lung, one arm, one eye, half a heart.
“That’ll never happen,” he says, a little too loud.
“You’re stuck with me,” Leo agrees. He means it, Donnie can tell—even after that almost-nightmare he put his family through, he means it. It’s one thing to take the nuclear option at the actual on-paper end of the world, it’s another to sit in a safe, warmly-lit room with his twin brother and try to conceive of an existence in which their dynamic duo was whittled down to a solo act.
When they were little, Donnie once tried to explain how big the unobservable universe was. He told Leo that light from the big bang hadn’t reached Earth from all the way over there yet. It was a concept he struggled with as a child, that something could be so unknowable and immeasurable.
“That’s how big my ‘I love you’ is,” he said, all of seven years old and putting it into words the best way he knew how.
“I love you bigger than that,” Leo said promptly.
“Ugh, you can’t,” Donnie said, frustrated at his twin for always trying to one-up him, for not understanding the huge thing Donnie was trying to compress and fit into his hands. “It’s not possible.”
“It is,” Leo said firmly, eyes gold to match Donnie’s, warm and shining in a way that was all his own. “I do.”
And then Leo went on to prove it. In a way Donnie never would have wanted him to—in an explosion that split the sky and left flash burns in their eyes, and the hollow pain of a surgical removal as the still-beating heart of their family was cut away, and the discordant electronic fuzz where a beloved voice had been rushing through last words, replaced by the sound of a radio without a signal, a device unpaired—but he proved it in a thousand other ways, too.
He was even proving it now, this afternoon he spent leaning on a forearm crutch and ambling around to various shelves and cabinets to keep up with his stock of medical supplies that had been severely depleted in the weeks after the invasion. Leo had carried bandaids and lidocaine spray in a tiny tote bag since he was two feet tall. He couldn’t stop bad things from happening but he could try to make the bad things better.
He’s looking at Donnie like he would right every wrong for him if he knew where to start. Like the unobservable universe was small enough to fit in his pocket compared to the lengths Leonardo would go for Donatello.
Leo is the younger twin, but sometimes the only thing there is for Donnie to do is shuffle over and bonk their foreheads together and believe him.
“If Gigi hated you, he wouldn’t be a Hamato,” Leo announces, muffled and silly and entirely correct. “It’s a required qualification. You must have missed that meeting with HR.” And then, because it’s important, he whispers, “I promise, okay?”
“Okay,” Donnie whispers back.
At about that moment, TSwift’s I Think He Knows comes on, proving once and for all that there is actually no way Leo’s playlist is on shuffle. The weighted moment they’re holding on tight to transitions into a lighter one that gets flung haphazardly around as an immediate life-or-death struggle for the phone ensues.
Stalemate is only reached when Splinter barges in to read them the riot act for daring to roughhouse while they had a non-zero number of broken bones between the two of them. Leo is bright-eyed with mischief and already fast-talking their way out of trouble the same effortless way April can rattle off her brothers’ favorite coffee orders, and Donnie’s worry has been soundly evicted, all its belongings in boxes in the yard.
Sitting around has never been his style. He’s a turtle of discovery and invention. And now that he’s been reassured that the absolute worst-case scenario is not on the table—that it, in fact, was never on the table to begin with—curiosity rears its head and snaps up the dregs of anxiety like a hungry wolfhound who mistook it for an unattended rack of lamb.
Hypothesis: Georgie isn’t being weird out of dislike of Donatello. Leo’s certain he’s not, so certain that he was willing to promise, point-blank and absolute, instead of being tricky and sly in the name of cheering Donnie up instead. Leo even offered a much more palatable alternative, but further evidentiary support is required.
So after dinner a week later, as the whole family crowds comfortably around the banana split bar spilling across the entire kitchen island and argues over which toppings Gio and Casey should stack their bowls with first, Donnie blurts, “Can I see your crossbow?”
Giorgio really is one of the clowns in this circus. He proves it by putting his ice cream down, and picking the bow up from where it was relegated to the bench seat where everyone tosses their coats and shoes when they get home, and passing it right over. No normal person would put a loaded weapon in Donnie’s hands just because he asked nicely.
As if in tacit agreement, both of Casey’s eyebrows shoot toward his hairline and Raph makes incredulous scoffing noises. April says, “You did not just—” at the same time Splinter blusters, “Purple, you fire that thing off in this house even once and I am grounding you from everything you know and love, including Orange!” and Donnie screeches, over Mikey and Leo’s hysterical laughter, “I can be trusted with projectile weaponry!”
The crossbow has been carefully maintained, but it hasn’t been used in weeks that Donnie is aware of. They’ve all stuck pretty close to home since the invasion, and it’s not like Gio knows anyone but them—it’s not like they need firepower for grocery hauls or pizza runs, though, knowing their luck, that could change any given day.
But Gio still cleans it regularly, and he’s become a familiar sight at the kitchen table; parts spread out on an oil-stained rag, meticulous and methodical with the one belonging he brought here with him from the future other than the clothes on his back and the colorful friendship bracelet on his right wrist.
It’s important to him, clearly, but he’s letting Donnie handle it with an indulgent look on his face. Like there are no better hands to leave it in than his little brother’s.
Because he’s at risk of having a whole emotion about that out loud, where his entire family is assembled to witness it, Donnie quickly turns his mind onto the much safer road of gadgetry.
He has never actually held a crossbow before, has never built or used one, but he’s been doing a lot of research. He has a lot of ideas. He wants to print mechanical broadhead arrows with explosive tips, or tear gas canisters, or EMP charges. It’s a brand new world of creative chaos and that’s not even touching all the build customizations Donnie has in mind. His fingers are already itching to dismantle and reassemble the machine into something better, something that won’t ever fail, something his big brother will love.
Only—huh. What feels like a low-level electric current thrums to quiet life like it was waiting to be noticed by the right pair of eyes, just enough of a static shock to get his attention and guide his hand to the rail. Glowing purple does the work of an allen wrench in seconds and a handful of screws clatter to the table. Donnie removes the scope in one sure motion, and moves on to snap the rail from the stock.
Raph says, low and warning, “Donnie,” intimately familiar with gremlin gadget mode and all the kitchen appliances and shared toys destroyed in Donnie’s early years in the name of science. But he’s not breaking this time, he’s just looking.
He flips the rail over in his hands and finds the source of that odd electricity-conductive feeling. Hidden on the underside is a small embossed logo that Donnie would recognize anywhere, because it’s his.
“A-ha!” he says, absurdly pleased with the discovery. “A Genius Built mod.”
The rail was one of the first things he’d had in mind to upgrade, but it looks like he’d beaten himself to the punch.
“With a custom rail, we can add whatever attachments we want to the stock, way beyond just an average scope or a rangefinder,” Donnie says eagerly, his mind darting ahead in three different directions at once. “The world is our oyster, Georgie!”
He can’t help grinning. His logo on Gio’s prized possession is that last little bit of evidence he needed. He’s never been happier to be wrong, and will endure Leo’s smugness for an unheard of two entire business days before initiating retaliation.
No version of Donatello would put that mark on anything unless he really cared about it.
And Gio wouldn’t lift the rail from Donnie’s hands, and touch his thumb to that stylized “D” as if to prove to himself that it was real, an expression of painful wistful longing on his face, unless he really cared, too.
#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#hamato donatello#hamato leonardo#disaster twins#the archer au#my writing#tmnt fic
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Exactly! Or he shows it in rlly subtle ways that could be more significant for him than them.
The rare moment of stillness would certainly be something to cherish between them I'm sure^
Star lacking in his own emotional maturity then having to navigate children would be quite the battle for sure. Istg star would be like the Asian parent that after an argument doesn't know how to apologize so just brings fruit (Energon) or something and leaves. Gifts can be easier than words sometimes.
Legit! The fear of being like Megatron is so potent fr. Any moment of awareness to his mirrored behavior would really give him the case of the shut down. Especially when it comes to the kids.
The projection of blame is certainly another one of those questionable coping mechanisms-
And a wack thing in Earthspark shit (that frustrated ppl with it messing up the nice dynamic between hashtag and Star) is when I'm p sure she says something on the lines of calling him just as bad or worse than Megatron. In the show it seems like star is like lol idc, but in my opinion, in that moment he was deadass not paying /any/ attention. Plus was fucked up by chaos energy garbage. [Although in my fic when he comprehends her saying that sort of comment, he freaks out a decent bit. Way too many emotions to process on that one since he had still perceived her as being on his side for once.]
As for the aforementioned comic that is exactly as you describe, I have a video which was where I saw it!
The cloning machine thing would probably get annoying for him fast beyond the clone's mutual hate for Megatron ngl. Cuz with /all/ of the Starscream's wanting to be the leader-
Makes me think how in TFP when he cloned himself, the last clone that came back alive was going to betray him, but he predicted it and shot first.
I just had a huge realisation yesterday and I wanted to share this after going through some pretty horrible stuff over the weekend: Something I've always asked myself ever since getting into G1 Transformers was "why do you like Starscream so much even though he's a narcissistic bully? Why are you, someone who is a victim of narcissistic abuse, taking comfort in a narcissistic character?" Well, I think I finally figured it out. Because Starscream is also a victim of that very same abuse. I mean, he's beaten, called names, bullied, unappreciated, abused, and put through the wringer…and he internalised all that abuse because he knew no other way. He had no one to turn to, and the few bots who did support him, he treated like dirt. Once he had that freedom and power, he abused it and became the very thing that abused him. I have no doubt he was always self-centred, selfish, had a huge ego, etc. before all that but honestly? I think Megatron's abuse caused him to turn out the way he did. I could have turned out that way and it's a little scary, some of the parallels I'm drawing with him.
@ichbinmeltdown wrote a great analysis on Starscream that I want to share here:
"Megatron was abusive as hell to Starscream. He treated him horribly, and I legitimately almost cried a few times watching it. There's an episode called Starscream's Brigade that introduces the Combaticons, and I think that perfectly demonstrates the cycle of abuse. The entire world is against Starscream at pretty much every turn throughout the series, but none more so than Megatron. Every word out of his speech synthesizer to Starscream is to berate him, and he's constantly throwing him around, beating him, even ripping out his speech synthesizer in a scene from a previous episode (Hoist Goes Hollywood, IIRC). His own teammates don't like him, and even his brothers- Skywarp and Thundercracker, going off of the idea they're brothers- just... allow Megatron to abuse him. (Not to get into headcanons here, but I personally believe that Megatron's abuse fractured the Elite Trine's family dynamic. They are still brothers and love each other, but they're all too afraid of Megatron to really... stand up for each other as they did in the past.) And Starscream seemed to just snap in this episode. He treated the Combaticons poorly, and even when teaming up with Shockwave, he subjected him to a lot of the same ridicule and torment that Megatron put him through. He failed to realize Shockwave was the one of the only bots who would give him a chance- and unfortunately lashed out at him, which ruined his chances of Shockwave ever being a true friend and ally to him. Once Starscream had finally gotten a taste of power and not being under another bot's boot, he too became the very thing that he lived in fear of. And that really is how the cycle goes- when you're finally free from abuse, it can be tempting to overcompensate and take back all the power you were robbed of, at any cost whatsoever. Starscream, like D16 in Transformers One, snapped up this opportunity."
And the sad thing is, I've seen this in real life and I've internalised some of the abuse I've dealt with too. I'm not proud of it. Like the Seeker Trine, my own family dynamic has been fractured by similar abuse. I know there's traces of narcissism in my behaviour too, and I'm NOT proud of it. Maybe this is why I can forgive Starscream for being a narc, because I can see a little bit of my own personality/attitude/behaviour in him. Maybe it's because I know where it came from, I get why he acts that way and it's not just random and out of the blue. Maybe it's because--and I know this is a bold statement--I don't think he would do some of the stuff my own family did to me (blah blah blah he's a fictional character).
I didn't mean for this to turn into a long rant, so
TLDR: I finally figured out that part of the reason I love and relate to Starscream so much despite him internalising some of the abuse I went through, is because he was the victim of that same abuse.
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Unspoken Words pt 6
Master List
Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters
Warnings: fluff, attempted kidnapping, anxiety, almost smut, nightmares
A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid.
*This series is about to wrap up. Enjoy one of the last few chapters.*
This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story.
All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated.
Minors DNI 18+
The next day after the post from Jensen about our relationship, he suggested I put my profile private or create a public one. He said most of the cast have two, one for the fans and one for friends and family.
He showed me his personal profile and I chuckled. “I had no idea you had a secret account. Now I see why you don’t post all the time.”
He laughed, “Yeah. I guess I didn’t forget my password after all.” He winked.
I wanted to take advantage of the nice day and take Lily to the park. Jensen’s interior designer and her team were going by his house today, so we needed to pass some time.
Jensen helped me load up the car and get Lily ready. She clung to his neck as he carried her to the car.
“Jensen, you know she can walk.” I laughed as I saw him carrying her. “Yeah I know, but she needs to save her energy for the park.”
I playfully rolled my eyes. “Uhhuh, okay.”
Jensen put Lily in the car and we both climbed in. Putting the car in drive we headed toward the park and Jensen took my hand in his.
“First time out since we went public, are you ready for this?” I took a shaky breath, “Yeah. I’m ready.”
Arriving at the park I noticed a lot of people there. I got Lily out and held her hand. Jensen grabbed the bag.
I noticed a few stares and some pictures taken of us. I tried to shield Lily.
A few people approached Jensen and asked for pictures and he was polite. “Sure, just please keep her out of the pictures. We don’t want her face all over the internet.” I smiled. He was talking about Lily.
A little girl ran up to us and squealed, calling Lily’s name. “Lily!” It was a little girl from her class, Tara. “Well hey, Tara. How are you? Where’s your mama?” “Hey Ms Y/N. Mama’s over there.”
She pointed to the bench near the swings. “Can Lily go play with me?” She asked. I nodded, “Yeah. Y’all stay close.”
Jensen and I walked over to Tara’s mom. When she saw me she jumped up and hugged me. “Hey, Y/N! I haven’t seen you in forever. How have you been?”
I smiled, “I’ve been good. Tara just grabbed Lily. They took off to play. Jessica I want to introduce you to my boyfriend, Jensen. Jensen, this is Jessica. Tara’s mother.”
She blushed and smiled. “Nice to meet you Jensen. I’ve been a fan for years.”
“Nice to meet you too, Jessica.”
The three of us sat on the bench chatting and watching the girls play.
I lost sight of the girls for a moment and started to panic a bit, but they both came into sight and I relaxed.
Jensen put his hand on my leg and leaned in. “She’s okay, baby. I can see her.” I nodded.
I wanted Lily to play like a regular child, but I often worried due to her lack of vocabulary. Tara had always been so sweet to Lily and was a great friend to her. I was so grateful for her.
A few minutes later Tara came running up, panic in her voice. “Mama, Ms Y/N a man grabbed Lily. She tried to get away but he grabbed her.”
Before I could react Jensen was off the bench and on the other side of the playground. He heard Lily scream. “Dada!” He saw her reaching out for him and being carried away by a man.
Jensen grabbed the man and pulled Lily from his arms.
I ran to his side and grabbed Lily and Jensen punched the guy in the face. He subdued him until the cops came.
I gasped when I realized who it was, David. I saw red. “David?! What the fuck were you trying to do?!”
I punched him in the face and the cops pulled me back. “Ma’am you have to calm down.” “Like hell I will. This asshole tried to kidnap my daughter. He better be glad all I did was punch him in the face.”
Jensen pulled me into his arms, holding Lily and I both. “Baby, come on. We don’t need you to go to jail either.”
Lily was shaking and crying. Jensen pulled her into his arms, “Come here baby girl. I’ve got you. You’re safe, baby.”
The police let us go after taking our statements. They charged David with attempted kidnapping. He tried to protest and tell the cops she’s his daughter. I told them he’s not on her birth certificate and he hasn’t been in her life at all. The police said since he doesn’t have custody it’s still considered kidnapping, so they took him to jail.
Jensen took us back to his house and made lunch. Lily was still shaken and I was filled with rage and fear.
Jensen leaned down and kissed my lips. “Hey, look at me. She’s safe, okay.”
I looked up at him and softly smiled, “I know and it’s because of you. You ran and got to her in time. Jensen I don’t know how to thank you for that. I don’t know what I would have done if he took her.”
He cupped my face, “Baby you don’t have to worry about that anymore. You and Lily mean everything to me and I’ll always protect you two. I love you both. I love her like she’s my own and I would have walked through hell to keep her safe. Now come on, let’s show our baby girl her new bedroom. It’s ready.”
I smiled, kissed his lips and nodded.
“Hey Lily, your new bed is here. Do you want to take a look at it?” Jensen asked with a grin. She squealed and leaped into Jensen’s arms.
We walked to her room and when Jensen opened the door I gasped. Her brand new bedroom set was there, along with a gorgeous pink area rug and Jensen had a mural painted on the wall to make it look like the carriage was on its way to the castle. Inside the closet was every princess dress and accessory you could think of and there was a white and pink vanity in the corner.
“Jensen, this is too much. I can’t believe you did this for her.” He smiled and I swear he puffed out his chest a little with pride. “Nope, it's not too much. It’s perfect for my baby girl. She’s a princess and deserves a princess room.”
Lily squealed and started playing with the new toys and clothes. Jensen snaked his arms around me and pulled my back flush to his chest.
“Jensen, this is amazing. You’re amazing. She’s never going to want to leave here now.” He kissed the side of my head, “Well maybe she doesn’t have to.”
I turned and looked at him. “What?” “Why don’t you two move in with me. I have a great security system, Lily has her new room, and you can decorate our room however you want.”
I bit my lip, “I don’t know Jensen. That’s a big deal. Can I think about it?” “Of course darlin’. Are you two still going to California with me?”
I nodded, “Yeah. I think after all of this it’ll be good to get away for a bit.” Jensen held me tight, “Good. I can’t wait, and we can see what it’s like living together while we are there and you can use that to help with your decision.” “Good thinking, Jensen.” I kissed his lips and he deepened the kiss.
Lily was lost in her own world playing in her room. Jensen and I left after a few minutes and headed back downstairs.
He was due back in California in two days, so he looked at adding Lily and I to his flight. Lily had never been on a plane and I was worried. Jensen worked his magic and was able to secure two tickets in first class on the same flight he was on.
“Jensen, we don’t need first class.” I huffed. He cupped my face, “Baby, you and Lily deserve so much and this way I can be there to help you with her on the plane.” I nodded, “Okay, but you’ve got to stop spending so much money on us. It’s not right.”
He looked at me, green eyes full of love, “Baby, if we were married it would be our money, not mine. Please let me take care of you two.”
I placed my hands on his chest, “Jensen I just don’t want you to spend so much on us. I’m not used to this, and if I’m being honest it scares me. I don’t want you or anyone to think I’m with you for your money.”
He placed a soft kiss on my lips, “Baby, I don’t think that and screw what everyone else thinks.” I chuckled, “Okay, but please try to stop.”
He smirked, “I can’t make any promises, sweetheart. Hey, I have an idea. Since we head out in a few days, why don’t you and Sarah go out for a girls night.”
I smiled, “I’d love that, Jensen, but what about Lily? I can’t ask Annie to watch her on short notice.” “I’ll watch her. She can stay here with me and when you get back you and I can have some alone time.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“If you’re sure. I’ll see if she’s able to go out tonight.” He pulled me close, “I’m sure baby. You go have some fun and I’ll be waiting for you.”
I called Sarah and she was excited about going out. I got ready and told Lily I was going out with Aunt Sarah and she was staying with Jensen.
“Dada?” “Yes, baby. You’re staying with dada.” It made my heart swell anytime she called Jensen dada. Part of me hoped he’d want the job.
Walking downstairs Jensen saw me and whistled. “Damn I’m one lucky man. You look amazing, baby.” My cheeks flushed red, “Thank you Jensen.”
Sarah rang the doorbell and Jensen answered it. She took one look at me and gasped, “Damn girl. Love looks good on you.” I shook my head and giggled pulling her into a hug.
“Are you ready?” I asked her as I grabbed my stuff. “Yep.” I hugged Lily goodbye and gave Jensen a kiss.
“Go have fun, and don’t worry about us. We will be fine.” I nodded and Sarah and I left.
The uber brought me home about 1am and I toptoed in the house. When I walked in I noticed the television was on, the volume was low.
Walking over to the couch I saw Jensen laying on his back, one arm under his head and the other holding Lily. She was snuggled up next to him with her squirrel and moose stuffy.
My heart swelled. Then I saw a picture Lily drew. She drew a picture of Me, her, and Jensen and we were all holding hands. At the top she wrote “mama, dada, Lily”.
I snapped a picture of the two of them. I didn’t think I could love him more, but seeing him holding her and protecting her made my heart so full.
Jensen stirred and his green eyes fluttered open. I smiled softly at him. “Hey baby. Let me take her to bed.” I kissed his lips and picked up Lily, carrying her to her bedroom.
I turned on the lamp Jensen bought her and it filled the room with a soft pink light. I chuckled, she definitely has him wrapped around her finger.
Walking back downstairs I found Jensen sitting up and waiting for me.
“Did you have a good time, sweetheart?” I sat beside him, “Yeah I did. Did you?” “Yeah, we had a great time. Lily told me she wants you two to move in here with me so we can be a real family.”
I smirked, “Oh did she now? She said all that to you?” He laughed, “Yeah, she did. See, look at the picture she drew. It’s proof.”
I took the paper in hand, “Yeah, I see it. Come on, let’s go to bed.”
He locked up the house and the two of us went to our bedroom.
Closing the bedroom door, Jensen’s arms snaked around my body and turned me to face him. His lips ghosted mine, “I want you baby.”
I smiled, “I’m all yours.” Jensen guided me back to the bed and laid me down slowly. His lips never leaving mine.
He hovered over me, his strong arms caging me between him and the bed. I looked up into his eyes and saw so much love it made my breath hitch.
His hand softly touched my face, “I love you so much, Y/N.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. Tears pricked my eyes and slowly fell.
“Hey, shh. What’s wrong baby?” His thumb wiped the tears away. I bit my lip, “I’m sorry, Jensen. I’m just so in love with you. These aren’t sad tears. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, what I did to deserve your love, but I’m so thankful I did it. I never thought I’d meet a man like you, let alone someone who accepted Lily and loved her too.”
He smiled, “Hey, you both have me forever. I’m not going anywhere.”
I chuckled, “Great, you were trying to have sex and I started crying. That’s just perfect.” We both laughed.
“Hey, who said we were finished.” Jensen kissed my lips and worked his way down my neck and to my chest.
I leaned up and he pulled my shirt off. “Jens, I need you baby.”
His hands traced every curve, every imperfection, and his lips trailed over my body. Marking me and making me his.
Jensen was gentle every time we made love, but something was different tonight.
I felt like I was the only person that mattered to him. Nothing was rushed, every movement perfectly executed. Our breaths mingled together as our bodies became one.
His hands were in mine and his lips pressed against mine.
We were so wrapped up in the moment we forgot protection. When Jensen came his seed coated my insides and my body pulled every bit of it out.
Jensen got up and cleaned us both. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my head. “I love you so much, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.”
We drifted off to sleep. My sleep restless, replaying the events of the day with Lily and David. My dreams plagued with the images of him taking her and me not getting to her in time.
I heard her crying in my sleep. In my groggy state I thought it was just my imagination, but then I felt Jensen leap out of bed and run to her room.
I realized I wasn’t dreaming. When I made it to her room, Jensen had her in his arms holding her and calming her down. I leaned against the doorway watching as he chased her fears away and wrapped her in the safety of his arms.
She looked terrified and clung to him. He laid down beside her, and softly sang to her. One song after another, and I saw her relax against him.
His voice was like a balm on her heart, easing her pain and calming her. The melodic sounds that filled the room lulled her back to sleep. Lily’s breathing evened out and her face relaxed.
When Jensen was sure she was asleep again he tucked her in, making sure her stuffies were next to her, and her blanket was around her.
I smiled up at him. He smiled and took my hand. Leading me back to our room.
“Jensen, that was incredible. You were made to be a father, you know that.” He kissed my lips, “Yeah, it’s something I’ve always wanted. Now with Lily I get the chance. She’s an incredible kid and I’m grateful I get to be part of her life. Now, we have a busy day ahead of us, let’s try and get some sleep.”
He wrapped me in his arms and started humming. I smiled against his chest. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, letting the stress of the day wash away.
The next morning we were all up early and getting last minute things ready for our flight. The detective in charge of the case called Jensen and told him David made bail, but there was a restraining order against him. His next court date was next month, and we had to be there. Jensen thanked him and told me not to worry about anything. His attorney would prepare us and let us know what we needed to do. Lily, thank goodness, wouldn't have to go to court.
The rest of the day was spent getting packed and making sure Lily was ready for the trip. She’d never been away from home and I was very nervous.
I had made a list of everything and I kept checking it over and over. I sat on the bed, looking over the list again and Jensen chuckled from the doorway. “What’s so funny?” I smirked at him. “You are, come here.” He pulled me up and into his arms. “She’s going to be just fine. She has us, and her stuffies.” He cupped my face in his hands and placed a kiss on my lips, “I promise.”
I took a shaky breath in, “I know, I just..” He cut me off with another kiss. “Jensen..”, again another kiss. “Are you just …” another kiss. I laughed. “See, now don’t you feel better?” I smiled, rolled my eyes and nodded.
Lily walked in our room with her stuffies in hand, looked up at Jensen and said, “Dada, Lily, Mama, air.” Jensen nodded, “Yes, baby. We’re going on a plane tomorrow.” She held up her squirrel and moose stuffies and said, “Sam, Dean too.” Jensen laughed, “Yes, Sam and Dean too.”
Lily squeezed them tightly and hugged Jensen. I leaned down to her, “Lily, baby, go grab your princess bag so we can make sure your stuffies are packed and other things you need.”
She ran to her room and came back with the princess carry-on bag Jensen had bought her. I opened it up and found her princess dresses and accessories stuffed in it.
I laughed, “Lily honey, we can’t take all this with us. If we do there won’t be any room for your stuffies.” She nodded, grabbed the bag and ran back to her room. When she came back it was empty.
“Okay, Lily, put Sam and Dean in the bag.” She clung to them and refused to move. “Sweetie, we have to pack them so we don’t forget them.” Still, she refused to move.
I took a deep breath, “Okay, well it will be your responsibility to put them in the bag tomorrow morning then.” She nodded. I was worried she’d forget.
Jensen leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry sweetheart, I won’t let her forget them.” He winked as he pulled away.
The next morning was a whirlwind getting out the door and to the airport. Lily made sure her stuffies were tucked away safely in her bag. Jensen double checked, just to make sure. We were able to board the plane first. One reason was Jensen’s celebrity status, and the other was Lily’s autism. The flight crew were so sweet with her. She got to meet the pilots and received a pair of wings for her and her stuffies.
When it was time for take off she wanted to sit in my lap, but I had to explain to her she couldn’t. She started to get upset and I was sure she was about to have a meltdown.
Before we got ready to head down the runway to take off, Jensen switched seats with me and held onto Lily. His presence beside her comforted her enough she forgot about wanting to sit in my lap.
I was in awe of him again. He looked over at me and smiled and took my hand in his. “See, we’ve got this, together. I’m not going anywhere.”
My heart fluttered in my chest. At that moment I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was going to marry that man.
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Tags:
@nescaveckwriter @kr804573
@k-slla @jackles010378
@jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx
@roseblue373 @cheynovak
@jassackles @chriszgirl92
@suckitands33 @arcannaa
@n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78
@smoothdogsgirl @hobby27
@manicjk @stoneyggirl2
@deans-spinster-witch @snowayumi
@shadowqueen1318 @shanimallina87
@muhahaha303 @fitxgrld
@nancymcl @baby19sthings
@cheekygirl2309 @oceean
@kindollss @foxyjwls007
@lmg14
@spxideyver @reignsboy19
@deans-baby-momma @deansimpalababy
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@superrey @kamisobsessed
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@lunaleah @amberlthomas
#hes gorgeous#so damn sexy#jensen ackles#jackles#jensen ackles x plus size reader#jensen ackles x reader
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silly little phantom/swiss moment based on my post about how when phantom cracks his knuckles/joints quintessence is released and he lights up like a glow stick and the lovely @tinyluvs tags on said post
It’s the middle of the night and Phantom has found himself, once again, passed out on his bedroom floor, galaxy projector still diffusing soft colors all around him.
Phantom considers just staying where he is and hoping sleep takes him back, but now that he’s present enough to feel the floor under his body, he realizes how much every inch of him is just aching.
He stomach also- unhelpfully- reminds him that Yes, he did in fact miss dinner, opting to escape to his bedroom before the chaos of chattering and clanking plates filled every part of his brain and then some.
He’s not even sure why everything just felt so much today- or yesterday he supposes- but it did and he just needed to escape a bit before he lashed out for no reason or freaked out over something silly.
But, despite his utter lack of energy to get up and do anything, let alone make a meal- or finding something that will at least suffice- he drags himself off of the floor of his room.
Apparently, his body is at least attempting to riot the change in position because as he begins standing he has to steady himself against the wall, lest he pass out and find himself in the same situation he had just minutes ago.
Once his vision decides to clear up enough that he can straighten his back fully, several little pops can be heard along with swirls of quintessence. Straightening his knees is paired with their own cracks of quintessence, as he basically resets his entire body, he swears just about every joint in his body needs to crack before he’ll ever make it to the kitchen.
Phantom looks down at his hands, he can’t help but smile to himself as he remembers Cirrus’ comment the other day about looking like a glowstick when the quintessence settled in his joints like this.
Heading to the ghoul kitchen, Phantom hears someone else banging around in there and finds Swiss elbow deep in a bag of chips, presumably treating his ever persistent munchies if the smell of weed is anything to go by.
As Phantom opens the pantry, in search of, really anything that will stop his stomach from yelling at him, Swiss lets out a muffled shout, stumbling backwards before catching himself on the kitchen island.
Phantom jumps a bit himself, suddenly startled by Swiss’ reaction but begins laughing under his breath when he realizes why.
This isn’t the first time Phantom has scared Swiss like this and certainly will not be the last.
“Your body is so fuckin weird bug”
Swiss manages out through disbelieving laughter, no matter how many times he whitnesses this quirk of Phantom’s, it’ll always catch him a bit off guard, and in all honestly his blunt from half an hour ago probably isn’t helping.
“Oh really? I had no idea” Phantom replies through his own fit of giggles.
“Oh Yeahhhh” Swiss teases, closing the space between the two, crowding Phantom back into the counter behind him. Swiss begins nuzzling into Phantom’s neck as he lifts him into the counter.
Phantom’s giggles never cease as he starts pawing at Swiss’ arms, no actual intent on stopping him anytime soon.
Yeah, snacks can wait for a bit, Swiss will probably even offer to make him whatever he wants later
Phantom decides when Swiss finally pulls away only for Phantom to pull him back into a deep kiss of his own.
#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#phantom ghoul#swiss ghoul#nameless ghoul fic#the band ghost fanfiction#ghost band fanfic#maks ghoul thoughts#mak writes#tiny !!
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the brainrot won
#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff#i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think#ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to#umm. tags.#new life smp#smallishbeans#mythical sausage#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#inthelittlewood#my art#sketch
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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between genshin, hsr, and zzz, i have to say i have a lot of enjoyment and high hopes for zzz.
the team working for zzz are just amazing in my eyes (which sounds crazy especially since they're all hyv games). for one, i think so far they follow through with almost everything that they've promised. making the game having a 'low floor, high ceiling' and therefore isn't just a pure powercreep gacha game (looking at you hsr). all the gameplay promises with timelines they would say in dev notes (like getting players to be able to use different characters in the map by 1.4). literally giving us options to enjoy the contents through two different modes because half of the player base dislikes a certain mode of the game (therefore doubling the effort of the dev team to work on, which is still so crazy to me that they're actually taking this approach)...
of course all of them has their pros and cons in my eyes. for example, i am very much not a fan of zzz's blatant gooner bait, among other peeves. but something about having the developers listening closely to our feedback since the very start of the game and visibly making changes to the actual game itself accordingly is just so nice.
anyway. i'm going to go view more rooms. have a good weekend, all of you!
#rin rambles#genshin has a special place in my heart for being the first hyv game that i became attached to but honestly i find myself not enjoying it-#-as much when my favs aren't in the screen nowadays#like i literally find myself skipping through quests in natlan. i'm at act 3 of ochkanatlan and i couldn't tell you wtf is going on#i'm literally still sticking around just bc of zhongli and i want to see what ending the game will give us. with how natlan is i ha#ve a somewhat low expectation but i really hope they'll listen to the players' opinions and fix things in snezhnaya#they did so good in that war section but it's so overshadowed by all the other areas they 'lack' i feel like. which is so sad.#hsr is the same for me... sometimes it feels like i might just drop it after i get blade. idk.#if i can be totally honest penacony is too philosophical for me to enjoy to the point that the game feels... pretentious? i can't explain#i like the world. i like the characters. i just don't want (and maybe can't) muster the energy to try and piece together wtf is going on#case in point: i love watching imaximizing streams hsr. he dives deep into the lore and everything. he's in the background whenever i eat-#-or explore genshin. and he reads all the books and lore and explains wtf is going on. he theorizes and everything and i ENJOYED it.#but playing the game by myself is a snoozefest these days to me. i can read a similar styled fanfic sure but for a game that takes hours?#nope. i'm tired from work. i don't want to use brain energy for games too#idk what prompted me to write this at 7.40am in the morning but#in conclusion i am growing to liking zzz these days (which i think yall can sense)
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I think they’re the same guy, somehow (Patreon)
#Doodles#Webkinz#Dex Dangerous#Deltarune#Spamton#The only thing I can figure is Celebrity - Goofy - Bbygrl#In the Cats Pajamas music video Dex just...he gives off Such energy and it's so cute#Doing the chin-in-hands feet-kicky pose while the girls all put bows in his mane he's bbygrl your honour#Though that is all him as an actor - when do we get to see Mayoral Candidate Dex Dangerous do the kicky-feet pose please#Also he needs to win sometime with his Kinzcash proposal but that's neither here nor there - he knows what the people want is all#As for Spamton I mean - guy is guy what more is there to say about him that I haven't already lol#Spamton in spaaaace haha#I did enjoy tossing them into each other's clothes - turned Dex's rocket ship symbol on his chest into a mouse cursor for Spam :3#And the pink/yellow I mean that's just obvious - yes they both get it don't question me#Lol#If I gave Dex his signature blues on Spamton's round glasses then they'd just become Scriabin's glasses....#I've never drawn them ''flat'' like I do with Spamton's glasses tho I don't think :0 But where's the fun in a lack of shines!#I do like how my first attempt at Dex is like - Mostly on-model keeps the nose style and the little whisker dots#And then just immediately abandoned in the second go 'round lol - it's my pencil I make the rules!#S'the fun of Having a style to play in lol#Do any of the Adulkinz actually have tails? I don't recall Dex having one... But what if he did tho he deserves one#Would there be a tail hole in the outfit then lol - Spamtail?? Could be cute#Although I'm just imagining something ball-jointed like his legs hmm perhaps not#Well anyhow that was fun lol
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Just a lil surprise gift for @sickhoondr
#my art#digital art#i want to draw him again#but better#idk im happy with this but just lack energy rn#so when i get more energy...be prepared >:3
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have#man. I don’t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then#probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how I’d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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do me a favour, the next time you see a post that basically equates to trans men dont have any issues, or trans mens issues are miniscule in comparison to more important queer people, go to op's blog and count how many posts there are that are positive towards trans men.
#charlie.txt#i saw TWO this morning#one of them is that stupid fkn scale of nice to mean queer people headcanons#cant remember the other#but its like. not hard to spot when ppl are minimising trans men.#theres a certain breed of trans person and i mean any kind of trans person and i do mean trans person specifically#that REALLY cannot deal with trans men being oppressed without adding any qualifiers to that#and its because their brains are small and they lack the ability to see in anything but black and white#and i want to be clear#if you think like this#i dont want you or your rancid fucking energy anywhere near me#in this house we support and love and listen to all trans people of any gender#but you goofy bitches with tme and tma in your bios need to get a grip far away from ne#(all trans people as a class btw. supporting and loving and listening to all trans ppl does not become put up with alex ● 26 ● white ● tme#shitty gender essentialism takes)
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feeling v proud of myself for eyeing something and thinking “that seems like it's 70 inches” then it was 😌
#ms ma'am needs to return some curtains she got for her room oops 🙈#looked at it when i got home like ah yes. i should have measured that but alas. the lack of brain cells 2day#im still catching up energy wise 😮💨 feels nice 2 slowly get settled though!!#now that ik i can hire movers to help i wanna furnish my place more. kind of. i also don't plan on living at this particular apartment for#more than a year‚ but it ain't too bad 😌 more importantly I'm Here!!! finally out of the city™#everyone I've talked to so far has been rly chill.#Seattle im not going to miss you..#only Someone.. but we will visit each other ♡ he's coming over to see me on my vacation and im taking it late next month ^.^#not going anywhere just like.. god I've been so strong and brave about everything for the past year n a half/2yrs#but i NEED to rest!! idk how much time i have but i know i have over a week maybe 2#2 sounds right.. been a while since i checked 😳 i want to roam and explore...#omg and i think i know my First Place i want to go check out (。ノω\。) theres a fish hatchery im rly curious abt. I've never been! 😯#╰( ̄ω ̄o) they got some other fun places too. aquarium + a(t Least one) zoo
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i'm lowkey thinking abt remaking percy & like starting fresh with who i'm following. because i want, quite desperately to be writing here & it's just severely overwhelming to look at the dash here.
#ooc.#i did recently unfollow a TOn of people but there are still just so many people i wanna write with that i simply CANNOT#not out of lack of desire just bcs of a lack of energy#i function better on a smaller scale i write very extremely slowly#i just don't think i will ever be actively writing w more than like a couple dozen people at a time#tho i WANT to write with everyone i just bounce back & forth between being a people person & not#regardless tho i think i am going to temporarily go to plots only for like longterm threads#like when it comes to memes & stuff we can wing it but i just think i wanna communicate w my rp partners here a little better#which is again on Me for not keeping up w conversations but!!#i did recently get put on an antidepressant which has been helping quite a bit#its the first step in getting medicated just testing the waters which is super exciting#but it's also making me reassess how i run my blogs / reprioritize what i want to be doing
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